What am I looking at?

Saturday, December 6th, 2025

by Ken Pullen

ACP

There’s a rule of not getting personal. No one wants to know. And the ones that do harbor ill will. So we’re told. Well, I’m going to get a bit personal.

I had a difficult night of sleep as Friday oozed into Saturday, and the night-to-morning mixture began. The usual difficulties, which no one wants or needs to know about. Well, chronic pain. There ain’t any 500-pound gorilla in the room — there’s constant biting, stinging, banging away reminders internally.

These things I’ve learned to live with. I haven’t ignored them these past 25-plus years, with the matter intensifying as time falls away.

A lot can happen in 25 years.

It did.

A rough night, which provided indication that the coming day wasn’t going to be a physically pleasant or manageable one.

I have been able to bear all the other stuff. The eye problems have been that one straw laid upon that poor camel’s back. A horrible caretaker, the person who had that camel’s welfare and life in their hands. Only so much straw until breaking occurs.  Well, it could have been unforeseen genetic problems for the camel, and the poor caretaker was likely very distraught. We’ll never know.

Genetics. Great things happen in genetics, and, well, at times, problems can occur.

Such as after years of life, it appeared. The eye problem. Corneas that aren’t smooth like most folks’ corneas. I have uneven corneas. This leads to times when the cornea tears. This pain is like having a metal straw, 16 penny nail, a shard of glass — pick what makes you wince and squirm the most —  not just poked in your eye, but having it driven into the eye with a hammer.

Which leads to last night into Saturday morning, when by the will of God, He kept everything in place as He created it, well, the best it can be since we, our ancestors destroyed Perfection. Paradise. And we, our ancestors, introduced pain, death, and troubles into the world. All due to rebellion and loving the lies of the world more than the truth and life of God.

Imagine.

But our Merciful, Loving, Immutable God, by His will, is keeping everything held together.

Well, as Saturday’s light appeared with the large sun — just the right size, located in exactly the right place, with the utmost consistency — another day, there was the advance notice twinge.

I knew what was coming for this new day.

The eye thing.

Thankfully, at this point, it never happens to both eyes at the same or close together times.

So, up early with little sleep. The right eye began its dominate the mind with pain input.  Just about everything with vision in that eye is very difficult when this occurs. Pain continual, focused, intense. Light intensifies it all.

What am I looking at?

Another day, these occurrences of greater frequency, of being incapacitated, and knowing things need to be done. It’s Saturday. My wife is extremely busy. Going, going, going. And I’m sitting in a chair, trying to see things, with much going on inwardly, but it’s that eye pain. Yikes! It dominates.

And, before you ask or question my awareness and action, I have an excellent ophthalmologist. Other ophthalmologists have told me how excellent he is, and he’s the best cornea doctor they know. At a well-known eye institute within a large, well-known clinic worldwide. I am not idle in doing what I must. Listening to my doctors. Continuous research. Being aware of health.

So, BAM! the eye thing. I know the day I’m going to have for anywhere from the next four to fourteen plus hours before the eye stops hurting, as it is.

Comes unexpectedly. With just a twinge of warning.

I got antsy. Needed to do something. At least accomplish something I had set out to do today. I hung some artwork in the freshly painted laundry room entry with a half bath off the short hall leading into the laundry room. Wanted to get the laundry room finished and just right for my wife, who deserves every wonderful thing possible.

I figured, okay, it wasn’t as easy hanging the few pieces of artwork as I was feeling, but I’m going to push on and even do more of what I had planned on doing. I had already checked the wall to hang the last two shelves, and the laundry room would be finished! I knew where the stud was and where I’d have to drill and install drywall anchors. Wow. Only took ten years to get around to it. We don’t rush into things.

I didn’t need to get my very accurate studfinder out. I knew where the electrical line was running behind the drywall. And that stud. Okay, let’s get this done so I can watch the Liverpool vs. Leeds United match. Through one squinty eye, and the painful one, swollen, and needing to be closed.

So what did I do? What am I looking at?

Drilling some holes and getting two shelves attached, so the laundry room would be finished!

I plugged my drill in. Got the right bit in the chuck. And began drilling the first hole I had marked off with a Sharpie.

About 3 seconds after putting the bit to the wall and squeezing the trigger, I had hot water gushing out onto me, onto the wall, the floor — everywhere.

I hadn’t felt as I did when I drilled into that hot water line behind the wall in many, many years. I stressed massively. How could I be so stupid! I’m an idiot!

Oh, the main water shutoff is in the laundry room, so I got the water shut off quickly, but that didn’t change how stupid I had been!

My busy in the living room lovely wife heard my laments and telling myself, “How could you have been so stupid!?”

She was calm, and her words were telling me it would be all right, and she immediately got on her phone and called the plumbing service we’ve had work in our home for years. Within a little over two hours after I had introduced a vertical geyser inside our home, the place I had drilled through a hot water line was repaired, and life went on.

The young plumber who showed up was gifted with natural humor and personality. He made me laugh more than a few times, which helped. For a moment.

Only I was racked with stress and blame. It could have been avoided if I had just stopped after hanging the artwork, being happy in accomplishing that under the physical circumstances. It involves repairing the wall now — within a few weeks of the room being freshly painted and looking beautiful. It costs money. It’s a plumbing service. It caused me a lot of stress. Intense. For about three hours. Even after it had been repaired.

What am I looking at?

I made lunch. My wife and I ate. The plumber cleaned up and we paid the bill, and he left. We cleaned up after lunch. And my wife resumed her intense work in our living room.

I stewed internally about how stupid I was and how it all could have been avoided. If I’d just thought. Clearly. Been objective. And honest. Knowing I shouldn’t have been trying something like that, feeling as I was.

Amazing how so much of the time the world appears only as big as ourselves.

What was I looking at?

Here I was, so focused and twisting inside for the error I committed. And later on, my wife and I are discussing how the time is short. Over the course of the afternoon, and over a light dinner, we discussed how we need to find a Bible solid, whole Bible preaching, whole Bible believing church. Not “Christianity Light.” Substance. Feed with something to chew on and digest. Meat. Not the smooth and creamy, sweet soft things that a spoon is required, and not much else. Not legalistic. Not so tied into themselves and whether a person becomes a member, or not, and understands a church is comprised of many fallen sinners, any number of which, at some point, had an inward change of heart, mind, spirit and life by their faith in the LORD Jesus Christ as Savior, LORD, Salvation, the only way to eternal life.

We discussed how Jesus can come get every true faithful believer in an instant — or years from now, but not a long period of years. Certainly not a 1,000, most likely how so many signs are in front of us and everything is moving at the pace it is, unlikely to even be a hundred from now.

Could be…

…or tomorrow.

Sometime soon.

What was I looking at? Certainly not heavenward, for my redemption draws nigh. Not thoughts on Jesus, on spiritual maturity, and the way to be nourished and grow. I was consumed in a worldly matter that actually had been taken care of and now consisted of — the past.

I should have been living in the present. Eyes, heart, mind heavenward.

Really. I should have spent more time looking at that and less time than what I was looking at and consumed by. Can’t blame it on my eye condition and my physical vision. I ought to have had better, wiser spiritual vision.

It’s late again. The darkness of Saturday, melding into Sunday, unnoticed, is in effect. With Sunday’s light of day to appear some hours from now, Lord willing. For by His will alone all things are held together. Every moment of every day. Only happens and is kept by the Triune Creator, who we, the world, know as God [I AM] Adonai, Jesus — Yeshua, and the Holy Spirit.

I must be looking at that which the LORD desires me to look at and into, and far less peering into the mirror looking at self, the myriad bits and pieces of frustration, mistakes, problems, ills, woes, and tribulations ongoing. And increasing. Distracting. Having the ability to easily pull away. Bit by bit. More and more. Growing lax.

Now is the time for the greatest diligence, awareness, perseverance, in-depth in the Word living of our lives to date. For such a time as this.

To You I lift up my eyes,
O You who are enthroned in the heavens!

Psalm 123:1

“But at the end of that period, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever;
For His dominion is an everlasting dominion,
And His kingdom endures from generation to generation.

Daniel 4:34

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:14

“Look to Me, and be saved, All you ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other.

Isaiah 45:22

For I want you to know what a great conflict I have for you and those in Laodicea, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, and attaining to all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the knowledge of the mystery of God, both of the Father and of Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Colossians 2:1-3

It doesn’t matter what happens here in this temporal world, this fleeting realm leading to eternity. For God’s will is being revealed. God’s Word, every word of the Word, is being revealed.

What will I be looking at more?

What are you looking at?

The fleeting, the worldly that passes, and can’t compare to the heavenly, the eternal, or can we, will we more and more daily, nightly, look to the LORD in all things?